Some might think the title is a joke, but this is an important topic that needs to be addressed from several angles today. I’ll focus on romantic relationships and how they can be affected by today’s gaming habits.
When people picture a “geek, gamer, or nerd,” as society commonly calls them, they imagine someone lonely, without a partner or a job, or with “nothing better to do.” This is a very outdated stereotype that we definitely need to leave behind. These days, video games are enjoyed across all social groups, regardless of people’s interests or relationship status.
It’s true that gaming addiction is more common among people who are single, since they have more free time, fewer responsibilities, and more disposable income, right? It can be more complicated when someone who plays regularly starts dating or enters a relationship. However, it can also happen that someone develops an addiction to a video game while already in a relationship.
I’ve experienced this myself and seen it happen to close friends, so here are 5 tips I think can help you balance gaming with a romantic relationship, whether you or your partner is the one who’s addicted. Let’s take a look.
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER
People who don’t enjoy video games often dismiss them, seeing them as silly and childish. You may find this offensive, and it could lead to arguments with your partner, who may keep telling you to spend your time better, that gaming is a waste of your life, that you should give it up for once, and that you’re too old for that sort of thing.
Talk to your partner when you’re not in the middle of an argument, because when tensions are high, the conversation tends to turn into accusations, shouting, and anger. The point is to discuss it when you’re both calm. First, tell them how their comments about you and your interests make you feel—that they hurt you and make you feel belittled and disrespected. Use some of your partner’s activities as examples: “How would you feel if I told you to stop reading your magazines?” or “What if I told you to stop watching your shows or soap operas?” You can use any activity they enjoy.
Keep in mind that if it bothers your partner, there may be a deeper reason, such as feeling that you spend more time gaming than with them, cancel plans, or would rather play all the time. Just as you should explain how you feel, listen to your partner and how the situation affects them.
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PRIORITIES AND TIME
Remember that no matter how important your games are, you can’t put them on the same level as your partner. Don’t let virtual reality take over your real life. Why? Because, after all, it’s a video game, while your partner is a person with feelings, emotions, and needs. If you spend your life staring at a screen, you may regret it when you’ve lost everything and realize what you had but failed to value: human connection.
If your partner is a gamer, don’t ask them to stop playing or demand all their time and attention. It’s important for each partner to have time alone and their own activities. If your partner chooses to spend that time gaming, that’s their time, and that’s okay.
Set rules and schedules, and don’t use emotional blackmail. For example, if he has arranged to play with his friends at 5 in the afternoon and has an important match, but you suddenly decide you want to see him and ask him to come over, don’t get angry if he says no or say, “What’s more important, your games or me?” Don’t do this, because it breaks your agreements and undermines trust and respect in your relationship.
SHARE EACH OTHER’S INTERESTS
Even if your partner doesn’t seem interested in video games, don’t leave them out. Encourage them to come watch you play, explain what the game is about, and invite them to play sometime. If they say no, tell them it’s something you’d like them to do and that it would mean a lot to you. You might both be surprised and enjoy the experience.
Most of us tend to shut ourselves off from things we don’t know or find boring, without even trying to take part.
If your partner is the one who plays, take an interest in their video games. Tell them you’d like to play with them sometime, or watch and get a better idea of what the game is about. Explain that this matters to you. They may also be reluctant and say you won’t understand, or something along those lines. Tell them you’re trying to understand what they enjoy and make an effort, and that you’d like them to do the same for you.
DON’T FORCE IT
A common issue in romantic relationships is wanting to make your partner change or give up something you dislike. This is a mistake. Even if you think something is affecting your partner’s daily life, you can’t force them to change. Changes made under pressure or for someone else are like wearing a mask: they don’t feel genuine, and they’re made only to please the other person. Without a real desire to change, the change will fall apart at the first argument.
Don’t make anyone stop playing just because you don’t like it or agree with it.
If you’re a gamer, make agreements with your partner and tell them how it feels when they try to make you do things you don’t want to do. Explain your reasons and how you feel.
GIVE AND TAKE
If you expect understanding, offer understanding. As the saying goes, “give and take makes for a happy heart.” If you want your partner to accept you as a gamer, then accept your partner as a soap opera fan, a TV series addict, or a cat lover. You can’t expect understanding if you’re always criticizing or making fun of them.
Don’t suggest that your opinions or games are more important than your partner’s activities. Never belittle something your partner does, especially if you wouldn’t want them to do the same to you.
If your gamer partner is asking for respect, tell them you’d like them to show the same respect for your activities.
Video game addiction can vary in severity. Sometimes we love playing a particular game, but it’s no problem if we skip a day; we enjoy spending time with our partner and can do other things. At other times, we may want to play while we’re somewhere else, but it still doesn’t cause anxiety or make us lose our temper. In more severe cases, however, someone may become aggressive when they can’t play, whether toward their partner or a family member who wants to use their gaming equipment. They may stop going out with their partner or friends because they would rather play, make gaming their only activity, feel anxious or stressed when they can’t play, or consider it the most important thing in their life. In these cases, it’s a good idea to seek help from a professional or your partner, as video game addiction can be as dangerous as any other addiction. Don’t underestimate it.
