We all have opinions about just about everything. It starts when we’re children, when someone asks us what our favourite colour is or which cartoon we like best, and continues to develop until it is present in every part of our lives. In fact, it develops so much that we can have—and express—opinions even about topics we know very little about.
Among these opinions are unsolicited comments other people make about us. You probably know what we mean because you’ve experienced it, and perhaps you’ve done it too: “Hey, you should dress more femininely,” “Why do you wear so much makeup? Women look prettier without it,” “You’ve gained weight, haven’t you? You need to start taking better care of yourself.” These are all things we’ve heard time and again, even though nobody asked for them.
Comments about us can sometimes affect us, especially when they come from people we care about. That’s why it’s important to stand firm in our self-esteem and not get caught up in remarks that may or may not be malicious. This list of books about self-esteem may be useful if this is something you’re still not entirely comfortable with.
Just as people comment on your appearance, it’s also common for them to comment on your behaviour, the things you do, and the things you don’t do. The problem is that they don’t always stop at sharing their opinions: they go further and try to impose what they consider right, or their own way of doing things, on you.
This is far more common than people think, and throughout our lives we’ll encounter these situations many times, so we need to be ready to deal with them. It starts at an early age, when schoolmates get you to do things you don’t want to do just because everyone else is doing them, and it continues throughout life and into adulthood, even if many people don’t realise it.
Peer pressure is an opinion that emerges within a group of 2 or more people. It is treated as the right one, so everyone in the group is expected to agree and act accordingly, even when they don’t want to. This can be very dangerous because it can force people to do things they wouldn’t do if they weren’t being pressured by those around them.
No matter how old you are, you can be vulnerable to peer pressure. It doesn’t just happen among teenagers. It can come from people we respect and in settings many might think are free from it. But nobody is immune, so here are some tips to help you resist social pressure:
1.- Know your principles: What values do you usually live by? These are the qualities you identify with and consider important in yourself and others because they shape how you act. When you’re clear about them and keep them in mind, you’ll find them much harder to compromise.
To work out which principles matter most to you, based on your upbringing and experience, ask yourself this question and take the time to think it through. Write down all the ones you consider important, then put them in order of priority. Some will probably be non-negotiable, while you may be willing to compromise on others depending on the situation.
2.- Don’t be afraid to share your opinion: if you have an opinion, speak up. Don’t let shyness get the better of you or hold you back just because you’re outnumbered. If you disagree, make your voice heard. You never know if someone else is thinking the same thing and waiting for a small sign that it’s OK to disagree.
3.- Saying no doesn’t mean you’ll be rejected: You may be afraid that you’ll be excluded from the group for disagreeing, but the opposite may happen: speaking up could earn you more respect.
Not everyone dares to disagree openly in a group. If the people around you appreciate thoughtful discussion, expressing a different opinion can help them get to know you better and may even allow you to influence them. Confidence in yourself is vital to earning other people’s respect, in this situation and in any other, according to Gananci.
4.- Please others or stay true to yourself? This is the million-dollar question when it comes to giving in to pressure from others. If you give in, you’re pleasing them—but how do you feel about it? Is what other people think of you worth putting ahead of your own values and beliefs? You’re the only one who can answer those questions.
5.- It’s better to keep toxic people out of your life: If refusing to give in to pressure upsets some people, you’ll have realised that those who don’t respect and/or tolerate other people’s opinions and try to impose their own views at all costs don’t need to play an active role in your life. Sooner or later, they can cause problems.
6.- Feel at peace with your decision: As long as you respect yourself, you’re doing the right thing. Of course, it feels great to belong—we need that because we’re social beings—but remember that groups worth belonging to won’t make you do things that go against your values.
